Which patients are better - men or women?


The most readable LJ bloggers and reputable columnists in the new weekly SUNMAG column.

Maria Anikanova

Maria Anikanova,
doctor-neurologist, top blogger LJWhen I was a student, a surgery instructor, an experienced gray-haired catty wise man, asked a tricky question: “Is it easier for a doctor to have a gender?” Seeing my brain hung in the processing of conflicting hypotheses, the mentor hurried to explain: “With patients of the opposite sex. So I removed the gallbladder middle-aged lady. As soon as she is able to reach the cosmetic bag, she will immediately put on lipstick. And on the detour, I will understand everything already at the entrance to the ward: everything goes as it should, the patient is better. The fact that a doctor is a man is of great importance for a woman. And vice versa. You will understand this later, when you see how men on the round will meet you cleanly shaved and in fresh clothes, and women will lazily plow up stained bathrobes. ”

So I got an important lesson: all patients in front of the doctor are equal, but some are more equal than others.It would be foolish to deny that women and men are equally affected. X or Y chromosome imposes a unique imprint on the style of communication with doctors.

Something about the ax in the back

A real man always gives a lady a coat, translates grandmothers across the road, knows how to fix a computer and never goes to doctors. So thinks an incredible number of men to whom someone lied in childhood that the U-chromosome is a guarantee of the absence of serious diseases and the possibility of spontaneous regeneration of injuries of any severity, no worse than Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. And in general, real muzhiks do not get sick and do not feel emotion, and if you have at least once allowed yourself to express out loud the anxiety about your well-being - write gone, say goodbye to the testicles.

Doctors often see these severe types already unconscious, because as long as the patient was in himself, he ordered not to make an appointment with a doctor, not to call an ambulance, not to load him on a stretcher, not to give him general anesthesia and further on the list

Only in coma, such citizens are sufficiently accessible for medical examination, diagnosis and assistance.

Which patients are better - men or women?

As a rule, these people are representatives of the older generation.Either the post-war time left its mark on the character of such peasants, or in the 90s the awareness of the complete inability of Russian medicine to cure at least someone came (because there were no medicines, consumables and doctors in hospitals, but there was an excess of decay and despair), or else there are some reasons unknown to me of such a frivolous attitude towards one's health ... I know one thing well: if one wishes, one can find an approach to such patients. And those who come to the doctor, because the ax in the back began to interfere with good night rest, not the most unbearable patients.

Doctor, will I die?

I can't help but remember another common type of male patient.

These are tender young men who are not in a hurry to take responsibility for the family, as a rule, live with their mother, despite the fact that their age is approaching the third ten, and consider themselves so self-sufficient that they do not dare to start even a cat.

Because the unfortunate animal will delay too much of them, young man, attention from the tedious, but much-needed pursuit of their own poor health.

Which patients are better - men or women?

These cute creatures come to the doctor,to talk about a hundred troubling symptoms: this is periodic, about once every six months, numbness in the left heel, an unbearable headache that always precedes the delivery of a report, a general weakness that does not allow to get up and work for a job from Monday to Friday, but magically regresses on weekends and again increases from Sunday evening ...

Gentle boys sadly sigh, they give all sorts of tests and examinations and get results in which absolutely everything is normal, and when the doctor tells them that there is no reason for concern and you can safely go to work - even physically, even mentally, look at the doctor through the eyes of the wounded deer and plaintively ask for sick leave

Because this is obvious: as you do not understand, doctor, that I have just numbed the tip of my left finger on my hand and cramped my right eye!

These guys are really unbearable. Fortunately, the problem is solved quite simply. In half of the cases, it’s enough to say straight out that in the heap of tests that a gentle young man passed, there is not a single clue by which he could be otmazatsya from the army.The rest are successfully cured of malignant hypochondria, as soon as they get married and have children. A screaming baby and a sleepy wife are a reliable remedy for those eternal restless peters of pens who cannot grow up at all.

Why are male patients beautiful?

For all their stubbornness or suspiciousness, stupidity or stubbornness, male patients are good in that they are result-oriented in treatment. If they had a magic console rewinding the process of diagnosis and treatment, they would gladly use it.

For the doctor, this means that comforting conversations and distracting procedures that take a lot of time are canceled. It is enough to go the most logical and short way - a male patient will appreciate it.

And can I have the same treatment, only with pearly buttons?

The vast majority of women do not come to recover. That is, it would be nice to recover, of course, but it is much more important to get answers to numerous questions that are not always directly related to the disease, just to talk, and also to catch positive emotions - to feel the support, care and sincere interest of the doctor not only to the peculiarities of the woman's ailment -patients, but also to her own person.

The women who came with clear complaints accurately followed the recommendations on the examination and treatment and were satisfied, I could count them on my fingers.

Which patients are better - men or women?

It is a fair sex that makes profits to manufacturers of fuflomitsins. Women are not used to trusting doctors, so they try to always be aware of medical innovations ... Well, how can.

For someone modern medicine is a program with Malysheva, someone grazes at forums devoted to dietary supplements, someone believes that only the physiotherapy life-giving can bring healing - and no matter that it is contraindicated to a particular patient because of high blood pressure or concomitant oncology

The trouble is that with women, logical reasoning is often powerless. The doctor must include empathy, express sympathy and support and persevere in leading the woman in the right direction (far from sugar pills and magic pillows for the back from the store-on-the-couch).

Why are female patients beautiful?

On women, the placebo effect works well. All sorts of fascinating things like darsonval on the scalp or droppers with nootropes work on 110% of the beautiful half of humanity.As long as a woman is not threatened with anything serious, it is enough to organize a kind of sanatorium with the ability to look like all sorts of exciting procedures with currents and massage - and everything will be fine.

Sometimes women's love for treatment takes comical forms: I have often heard from their patients that they would gladly go to the hospital. No, just think, they say such women, neither do you need to cook, nor do you get out ...

And this, in my opinion, makes one wonder why women and men treat treatment differently.

For a lady, a hospital visit is often a “legal” way to take care of yourself. Because to go for a haircut or manicure seems to them a meaningless and unjustified waste of money. And to lie down under a dropper with sterile water for the price of diamonds is quite solid. And it seems to me very sad.

Which patients are better - men or women?

Men often go for treatment when it is simply impossible otherwise. That is why medicine so often disappoints them: for example, how much can be done for a person who is in terminal cancer?

What does this mean for patients? It probably makes sense to look for that line when treatment is just a treatment.Not an analog of SPA procedures, not psychotherapy, not an act of magic, not a replacement for a hen party and not a restaurant where you can order a dish you like, that is, a medicine or a procedure. Such a rational attitude to medicine will help avoid frustration for both women and men.

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