"I got married after flying and became infinitely unhappy"
The call from Natalia sounded on Friday after dinner, when the entire editorial office was already setting up for the weekend and making plans for the evening. The girl asked for a long time where she went and then timidly asked: “Can I tell my story too? Only it will not be fast ... But I would still like to tell ... So that people would not repeat my mistakes. You also often write for this purpose. Right? ”Of course, we could not but listen to the reader. Moreover, after a couple of minutes it became clear that she was very, very unhappy.
“You know, I got married because I was pregnant,” began Natalia. - No, no, you do not think that it was some kind of “flying” (as it is now fashionable to say) at a young age. At that time I was 20 years old, my future husband was 25.We met for almost two years, but for the pregnancy, of course, we were not at all ready ... It seems to me that I even remember poorly the events of that time from stress and fear. Probably, when I internally realized that I was expecting a child, outwardly I still kept some kind of stupid calm and assured everyone that “I feel sick because I ate something wrong.”
I told Misha when the term was three months. But this conversation, on the contrary, I remember perfectly. Do not have time to finish, as he asked when to have an abortion? That is, neither for me nor for the unborn child immediately left options. To be honest, I also thought about abortion, but after these categorical words, it seemed to have gone mad. I started shouting that I would never do this to a child, that after that I may have no children at all, and so on. Misha seemed numb. As he later said, neither before nor after did he see me in a similar state. Yes, I probably never had such strong emotions on the surface.
In short, we were crying then together. And after that they spoke practically until the morning. They made plans, dreamed, thought. Then it seemed to me that here it is - happiness! Soon I will marry, give birth to a baby and be the very, very happy. How wrong I was then!
The delivery was difficult and lasted almost two days, and when my daughter came into the world, most of all I wanted to show her to my dad. However, to the question: “Did your husband come?”, Severe aunts from the maternity hospital replied that there was no one and no one called. Then I myself started calling my husband. He did not take the phone. Passed day. A day later, right on the eve of his discharge, he called back. I didn’t even make excuses, he said that he was celebrating the birth of his son ... “But we have a daughter!” I practically screamed. “Yes, I joke about my son ... What are you hysterical?” He answered.
And then began bytovuha. This, which probably happens to all after the birth of the baby: diapers, vests, nights without sleep and constant snot. I tried to be the best mom and the most wonderful wife (the husband regularly demanded intimacy and shouted at me for looking bad and unjustly), but nothing worked.
I tried to talk - at best, I ran across a wall of indifference. At worst, I heard scary words:
I could not recover at the institute, and it was also difficult to work with.And not because I'm lazy, but because Masha's daughter was constantly ill, and she often needed to be in hospitals.
Once, when we were abruptly taken away in an ambulance, I realized that in a hurry I didn’t take any removable underwear at all and I don’t have even slippers with me. The husband did not answer calls. Since the hospital was not far from home, I decided to quickly run into the apartment for things. Asking the nurses to look after Masha, she rushed home at full speed.
... I saw my husband in a car close to home. He kissed a woman. I remember that I went up to the car and began with all my strength to hollow my palm into the glass. Misha turned his head and changed his face. And then everything was as if in a fog: he opened the door, roughly grabbed my hands and started shouting, so that I “would not break his life anymore”, “to lag behind with my child” and that “he will not go to these zalety anymore” ...
... I took the slippers and returned to the hospital. We were discharged in two weeks. Home with Masha went by taxi. It was still cold outside, and my daughter could get sick again. Nobody was waiting for us at home, it was clear that all these days Misha lived not here.
I have not gone anywhere. I still live with him.I have nowhere to go, and no one is waiting for me. I love Masha very much, but at the same time I endlessly regret that I got married after a fly. Perhaps if we signed with Misha just like that, everything would be different. Or, if I had given birth without a husband, I could have built another, happy life. Nobody knows that. But I think about it so often ... And so far I don’t find an answer for myself. ”
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